#LightTheWorld: Humility

I have been a "blogger" for a little over three weeks now, and I have loved it.  Not only has it been fun to write again, and to document the things I enjoy . . . but, I love finding new friends to be inspired by.  The only problem is that I sometimes get caught up in the feeling of not being "good" enough.  Not having a cute enough house.  Not wearing cute enough clothes.  Not eating cute enough food (haha).  Etc.

Today I was looking around my house and all I could think of was "I want to change this . . . " "I want to save up for this . . ."  "I wish I had this . . ." all so that I could have something Pinterest-worthy to call my own.  Then, I looked at my little Christmas tree.  

A few years ago we didn't have a Christmas tree.  A few years ago, we didn't have anything.  

Christmas 2014 was a hard one.  About three weeks before Christmas, my husband was laid off from his job.  He had just finished up his schooling, but the city we lived in had very little to offer him in his field.  It was obvious that we were going to have to move.  I did not want to move.  I had grown up in the city we lived in.  My grandmother lived there, and I love her so much.  I had established this group of amazing women who were more like sisters to me than friends.  I couldn't bear to think of leaving any of it.  But, we had to.  There was no other option.  

We were in an odd place, financially, because we had a little bit of money saved up in our bank account, but we couldn't touch it.  Every single penny we had needed to go towards our upcoming move.  Because of the money we had saved, we didn't qualify for any kind of government assistance (ie: food stamps, medicaid, etc.).  Our grocery budget was basically non-existent.  We knew this year we wouldn't do any kind of presents or decorating.  We simply could not afford it.  

I remember looking into my empty fridge and being filled with stress.  Walking through the aisles of the grocery store brought even more stress.  Had everything always been this expensive?  

I had a prompting to call the bishop of my church and ask if I could meet with him.  I cried and explained to him our  situation. He sent the Relief Society president over to my house and she took inventory of what we needed and gave me an order form to go to the Bishop's Storehouse (LDS food pantry).  We needed basically everything.  We had a few boxes of Rice a Roni, some beans, and some cereal.

I was so nervous to go inside the Bishop's Storehouse.  I was insecure that I didn't look "poor" enough or that my family and I would be judged for not working hard enough to support ourselves or something.  I was completely wrong.  I couldn't have been more warmly received.  A sweet, older sister handed my 15 month old baby a candy cane and helped me push my little cart around the food pantry.  She told me all the yummiest food items they carried, so I could put them on my list if I needed to come back again.  When my cart was filled she gave me a hug and promised me that things would get better in my life.  Something in her eyes told me that she was right.  She gave me hope.  

That season we relied entirely up the Lord and our family members to sustain us.  When I think of moments in my life that were "hard" this time doesn't come to mind.  It was truly a blessing to be taken care of in that way.  I have never felt God's love for me stronger.  I have beautiful memories of watching the snow fall in my pajamas while my little one played with toys purchased by grandparents who love him.  I learned how to cook the perfect turkey, which was given to me by my church.  I remember opening my gift from my husband, fuzzy socks, and thinking it was the most amazing thing he'd ever gotten me.  I was truly grateful for what I had, even though I had "nothing".

So what gives me the right to feel any differently now?

I look around me, and I am blessed to have everything I really need.  I don't need a new couch or new clothes or cuter curtains.  I am warm, and fed, and loved.  And that is something to truly be grateful for.  

My church is doing something called "Light The World" this month.  Everyday, leading up to Christmas, you focus on an different Christlike attribute.  Today's attribute is humility.  If you would like to participate, you can download a calendar here.